When it hits

When it hits, it isn’t fatigue – it isn’t lack of sleep – it is either brain fog or a lack of desire to do anything. The brain fog means I can’t remember simple things. Last night I was trying to say I got essential oils for Christmas. It came out as “not incense, an aroma”. It took me 10 minutes to come up with essential oils in my mind – of course the person I had been talking to was long gone.

And the other symptom is the hard one to talk about – most people confuse it with depression when I try to describe it. But it isn’t that – the best I can come up with is that depression has an emotional context and this symptom does not. I can see however why people confuse it and why researchers might put the blame on the person and not the symptom.

I might act like I care about you or the task at hand – but I don’t. I simply balance an equation in my mind as to whether I care about you or it when I’m not sick. And if I do, then I’ll force myself to take action. And if I can’t force myself to take action, I don’t leave the house.